So she ended up coming over last night at around one am, rather than heading out of town again right away.  The sex that I had been wanting all fucking day was slightly disappointing.  It didn’t click in some way, and I couldn’t cum.  We took a break at some point and talked for a while, which was really good.  We talked about sex, what we like and don’t like, and about our changing relationship over the past six years.  Good conversation, and made me feel good about the way things are between us right now.  Then we got back to the sex and I made her cum, more easily than usual it seemed.  Okay, confession time.  I actually have not had an orgasm with her yet.  I have been faking them.  For some reason I always do that when I start having sex with someone new, because I’m afraid I’ll frustrate them if I don’t cum.  But it sets up a terrible precedent of me being easier to get off than I actually am.  So when I want to stop faking and actually let whoever I’m with have that intimacy and control, it seems difficult.  Plus, I cum the most easily through oral sex, and we aren’t doing that.  I’m not sure if it’s a boundary or not, but neither of us have gone there and I don’t want to be the first in case it’s a no-no.  So no orgasms for me.  I didn’t fake it last night, we got sleepy and fell asleep naked and curled up tightly.  I absolutely love fucking her.  She reacts amazingly, loud and writhey and clutching me tightly.  When she cums she squeezes me really hard and shakes adorably, holding on to me so I can’t move an inch.  I keep wanting to tell her I love her in that moment, but definitely know better.  We had a conversation this morning about falling in love, and how it wasn’t allowed.  I’m not falling in love with her.  This is casual and we are going to keep it that way.  This morning we talked about how this would end, and whether we’d still be friends whenever it does.  She said that as long as I don’t fall in love with her everything would be fine.  I said she shouldn’t fall in love with me and she said there wasn’t a chance of that.  Real flattering huh?  She took it back, or at least said she didn’t mean it as a bad thing, still not the most awesome thing to hear though, even when I don’t want a relationship with her.  Which I don’t.  I’m not ready to fall in love.  So then more hot sex in the morning, and I faked an orgasm, not sure why.  Then she showered and ran off to meet the girl in the other town that she’s in love with but can’t be with.  Fun times.

So who are all you people that read this anyway?  It’s rather odd to write, know people read it, but not know who they are or where they’ve come from.  I’ve been blogging for ten years now, and it still seems like an odd thing to do.

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So all day I’ve been waiting for booty call to get back from visiting friends in another city.  And trying NOT to be waiting.  I hate waiting, and there was no guarantee she’d be back before I had to go to work.  Which she was not.  I even shaved my legs in preparation, and wore my cute bra and panties.  But nope, she got back a few hours after I started work.  So I met her at my house for a minute on my way back to the store from a delivery, she made out with me a bunch and made me turned on and wet, and then I had to go.  She was even wearing her glasses and looked twice as hot as usual.  Ugh!  So frustrating.  And now she’s headed out of town again, TONIGHT! and doesn’t think she’ll have time to come fuck me before she leaves.  Double frustrating.  I think her priorities are way out of order personally.  I would choose fucking me over driving an hour late at night.  I think she should just go tomorrow morning.  But I’m not supposed to care, this is all casual, so I need to stop thinking about it.  And I REALLY need to stop looking out my window to see if she’s pulling up in my driveway!  Because she is not.

I worked five hours tonight, and took six deliveries, kinda slow.  I made $11.50 in reimbursements and $24.22 in tips.

Equalling $5.95 per delivery and $14.87 an hour before taxes or gas.

So I’m trying to be all casual and hook up with booty call girl without getting involved.  I mean, she’s in a relationship.  Sure it’s long-distance currently, and non-monogamous, but still a serious relationship.  Plus she’s in love with another girl, a girl who is in a monogamous relationship and has rules and boundaries about what they can and can’t do, but in love none the less.  And then there’s me, the girl she’s had sexual tension with for six fucking years, we have had drama on and off forever.  And now we’re having sex.  Lots of sex.  Good sex.  And I know that I’ll get hurt.  No matter how detached I think I can stay, I know that however this ends it will hurt my feelings in some way.  Which is super annoying because really I just want to enjoy this and not get wrapped up in it.  Did you know there were rules to booty calls?  Or casual hook-ups, or whatever this is?  I have been talking to a few friends about shit, and turns out I was supposed to put a time limit on how long I let her stay, like two hours.  And I was supposed to not let her spend the night.  And I was certainly not supposed to let her make me breakfast.  But I like those parts.  I like her cuddling up behind me when I’m sleeping, I like her waking me up in the morning and fucking me again.  I like having her make me coffee and breakfast while I pull the covers back up around me and doze cozy and warm in the window’s morning sunlight.  She brought me dinner the other day while I was working, and came early in the morning the next morning to bring me coffee.  But I guess all that is the stuff that will make it hard.  She caught a ride with me to visit friends in another city yesterday, now I’m back home and she’s still away and I just want her to come get naked with me.  We don’t have plans for when we’ll see eachother again and that bugs me.  I hate that it bugs me.

Anyway, I worked four and a half hours tonight and took six deliveries.  $10 reimbursement and $20.59 tips.

So: $5.10 a delivery and $15 an hour before taxes or gas.

I’m at my parents’ house, going through stuff I’ve been storing here, trying to figure out what to do with it.  It’s funny looking at old pictures of me and my friends from years ago, we all look so young, even though I feel like we haven’t changed much.  I’m exhausted and all I want to do is be really warm and sleep.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  Hot sex and then warmth and sleep.  I kinda want to have sex ALL the time right now, which is a little annoying since my booty call/hook-up girl is not available every minute of every day.  You’d think sex twice a day for the last five days would be enough, but no, I still want her to be here fucking me right now.  And she isn’t.  She’s actually hanging out with other friends, probably for the next few days at least.  Hmph.  I’m tired and whiny and selfish.

Work goes by so much more slowly now that I have somewhere I’d really rather be.

My new hook-up girl came by and surprised me with dinner and a makeout session in the car; I totally went back to work with messed up hair and my shirt all rumpled, but nobody noticed since most everyone at work is kinda sloppy.

I took seven deliveries, worked five and a half hours, made $11.50 reimbursement and $19.53 tips.

Equalling: $4.43 a delivery and $13.68 an hour.